I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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