I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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