Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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