lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
