I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
