just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
