My friends, they love my intelligence
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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