she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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