i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize