Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
