I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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