Me too!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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