Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize