the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
