Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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