my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
