Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
