I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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