You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
