dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
