the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
