i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
