remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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