just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
