I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
