It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
