You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
