You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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