just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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