can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
