I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
