my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drake has all the answers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
