I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
