I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
