I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
