I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
