I think I died a long time ago.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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