dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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