i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
