So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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