I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
