I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
