if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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