You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize