I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
