I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just pynch a tree in the face
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
