Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
3pm strippers are depressing
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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