I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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