Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
