I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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