Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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