I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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