omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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