If you die in college, do you die in real life?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
