just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
