Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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