Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he thought i was a dude.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
