i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
