dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
