Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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