Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
