Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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