guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
