Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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