now i know why i became what i already was.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
