He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
