i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
