how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
