don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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