Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Every concussion has its silver lining
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
