all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
