I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize