Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
