That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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