The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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