Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
