Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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